


Family Secret

by Ecaus12



Category: wayhaught - Fandom
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-07
Updated: 2018-01-07
Packaged: 2019-03-01 18:13:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13300464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ecaus12/pseuds/Ecaus12
Summary: Got the idea for this from the song Family Secret by Alannah Myles. This is a LONG one shot. Both Nicole and Waverly are the family secret. I'm a big fan of the idea that Nicole is from the south, but maybe that’s just because I'm a sucker for southern accents.





	Family Secret

             Nicole and Waverly were sitting on Nicole’s wrap around porch, sipping long island ice teas and enjoying a cool breeze coming down from the snow-capped mountains.

            There weren’t a lot of redeeming qualities to the badlands, but Nicole was finding she really enjoyed spring here, or maybe it was just because the cold barren winter had finally loosened its grip. Regardless of the reasoning, Nicole soaked up the warm sunshine.

            She looked to her side and caught a glimpse of Waverly smiling ear to ear.

            It was entirely possible her enjoyment had everything to do with Waverly Earp.

            “Hey, can I ask you a question?” Waverly asked. They had been tentatively trying to learn more about each other ever since Nicole’s hospital stay and Shae.

            _Shae._

            Nicole still kicked herself for that one. Waverly had ever reason, every right, to have broken it off with her. She hadn’t told her that she had a wife. A wife!

            “Yeah, of course, baby,” Nicole reached out and squeezed her hand.

            “Why don’t you talk to your parents anymore?” Waverly asked. She had assumed it had to do with Nicole’s sexuality, but they had never discussed it. Waverly had a gut feeling that the story had a lot to do with who Nicole was today.

            Nicole sighed. She knew they would eventually have this conversation, but it was heavy and today was so light. It was like an anchor finally biting into the sandy bottom, sudden and complete resistance.

            “Do you want the long story or the short story?” Nicole asked.           

            Waverly gave her the patented “You know the answer” look.

            “Where do I start?” Nicole looked into the distance.

            “At the beginning,”

            The breeze against her face transformed from the cool spring air of the badlands to the warm sweet smelling breeze of the Texan golf coast. She was taken back to being 16.

            She stood in her window, looking down. She was nervous. She checked the clock on her nightstand again. She strained her eyes against the darkness outside, the clouds obscuring any light she might have had from the moon.

            Finally, she saw what she was looking for. She excitedly threw open her bedroom window and beckoned for the girl standing a story below.

            “Sarah! Up here,” Nicole said in hushed tones.

            Sarah was lanky, a frame much like Nicole’s but more of a beanpole. Her long blond hair blew behind her as she ran over. She deftly climbed the tree next to Nicole’s bedroom and Nicole helped her through the window.

            “Hey,” Sarah whispered.

            “Hey,” Nicole repeated back.

            The two girls locked eyes, Nicole swore she could look into her blue eyes for days on end.

            Sarah’s eyes looked down at Nicole’s lips. Nicole leaned in, kissing her tentatively.

            What neither of them realized was that their preacher was out walking his dog when he looked up on a whim and he saw the silhouette of the two girls.

           

 

            Nicole will never forget the sermon that Sunday. She sat with her family in a dress and cardigan. She was between her brother and her mom, and from her pew, she could see Sarah’s family. The Hemmings. Sarah looked over her shoulder and smiled shyly at Nicole, causing Nicole to blush a deep red.

            The church her family went to was an old-fashioned Southern Baptist church. They had a lot of opinions that Nicole, in her teenage angst, didn’t agree with. But she was expected to go.

            In her 16 years, she had never recalled hearing a sermon like the one given that day. The preacher launched into a tirade about how homosexuality and lust for the flesh were slipping into their town and how it was what was going to bring this community, and the nation, to the ground.

            “You may not believe me that it has touched our community, but I assure you, I have seen it with my own two eyes,” he said.

            At this point Nicole was sweating bullets; if she didn’t know any better she would have sworn he was looking directly at her.

            When the service ended and everyone gathered in the front lawn to casually chat she saw Bethany, her best friend since they were in diapers. Her face must have conveyed something because Bethany headed straight for her. She hugged Nicole a bit tighter than she normally would. Bethany was the only person Nicole had told about her feelings, or about Sarah.

            “Don’t listen to them,” Bethany whispered in her ear before letting her go.

            Over Bethany’s shoulder Nicole locked eyes with Sarah. She had a look about her that reminded Nicole of a puppy who had just been swatted with a rolled up newspaper.

            She wanted nothing more than to run to her, embrace her, but she knew this wasn’t the time or place.

 

            The next day after school Nicole was walking home when she felt a hand grab hers and yank her into an alley. She was relieved when she saw it was Sarah.

            “Hey,” Nicole said.

            “Hey,” Sarah repeated. Sarah was standing close enough that Nicole could smell the subtle hint of jasmine on her skin.

            “Yesterday’s sermon was…” Nicole trailed off, unsure how to finish that sentence.

            “Terrifying?” Sarah offered.

            Nicole let out a single chuckle, she often laughed when she was uncomfortable, “To say the least,”

            Sarah reached out and tucked a strand of Nicole’s hair behind her ear, “It doesn’t change anything for me,”

            Nicole couldn’t tell if the feeling inside her stomach was butterflies or dread, “It doesn’t change anything for me either,” Nicole reassured her. She was lost in the beauty of Sarah’s smile.

 

            Nicole was exhausted; she felt like she was living a double life. She was trying to be everything her parents expected of her. She maintained straight As, was a three-sport athlete, she volunteered helping run the church youth group and was always home by curfew.

            But after her parents would think she was fast asleep she would sneak out and meet with Sarah, sometimes out on the beach and sometimes in Sarah’s family’s hay field.

            They were young and often too brazen for there own good, having almost gotten caught about to kiss at school one too many times.

            It didn’t take long for the whispers to start. Outside of her Sunday best, Nicole was a tomboy through and through. She played 3 sports; she ran cross country in the fall, played basketball in the winter and softball in the spring. She had only had one boyfriend freshmen year and it was the talk of the high school when Justin had told people that after 7 months of dating all she had let him do was open mouth kiss.

            She had been able to thwart any suspicion with being a good Christian girl in the past; even wearing a purity ring.

            But teenagers are cruel, and Nicole had ditched the purity ring after she first kissed Sarah.

            People started to notice how much time the two spent together, and in the past Sarah hadn’t been so discrete.

            That spring Nicole had overheard boys talking about who was hot and who was not on the softball team when she heard one of them say, “It doesn’t matter, softball players are all dykes anyway, just look at Nicole Haught,”

            She was horrified but couldn’t get herself to walk away.

            “No way, Haught isn’t gay,” One boy sounded like he didn’t believe lesbians existed in real life.

            “Dude, haven’t you heard? Her and Sarah Hemmings are totally dating,”

            Nicole forced herself to turn around and find a different path to her 5th period class.

 

///

            Nicole smiled as her dad and her left the batting cages. As she had gotten older it was harder and harder for her dad and her to find time to hang out. Ever since she was a little girl, her dad and her were inseparable.

            He had cleared his schedule that day so that they could have some father-daughter time.

            She would do anything to make him proud. So far in her life she had succeeded, the shelves of trophies and ribbons in her room as physical evidence.

            As they walked to the parking lot she saw a woman trying to carry a t-ball tee, 5 t-ball bats, and a hand full of adorable little batting helmets. The lady almost dropped them several times.

            Nicole hurried over without hesitation.

            “Here, let me help you,” Nicole offered and took an armload of stuff from a clearly relieved lady.

            “Thank you so much,” the women said as Nicole helped her deposit the items in the back of her minivan.

            “No problem at all,” Nicole smiled at her.

            “You are Nicole Haught, right? Andy and Sharron’s daughter?”

            “Yes ma’am,” Nicole confirmed.

            “Well, glad to see some kids in this town are raised right,”

            When Nicole got into her dad’s car he patted her shoulder, “How did I get so lucky to have such a sweet, kind, and beautiful daughter?”

            Nicole felt herself get nauseous, something that was happening a lot lately when her dad said stuff like that to her.

            _If you knew what I was doing almost every night you wouldn’t be saying that._

            Nicole swallowed the lump in her throat and smiled wide, “What did I do to get lucky enough to have such a cool dad?” she countered.

           

///

            The beginning of summer brought a newfound freedom for the two girls. They were able to spend more time together, without the watchful eye of their classmates. But that brought it’s own issues too.

            Nicole’s mom had noticed just how much time the two were spending together.

            One day during early June as the stifling heat and humidity settled into the region, Nicole was helping her mom jar homemade pickles.

            “Whatever happened to Bethany?” her mom asked out of the blue.

            Nicole set down the jar in her hands, “What do you mean?”

            “I just mean I haven’t seen her in awhile. It seems like you are spending a lot of time with Sarah now instead,”

            Nicole felt as though she had entered cardiac arrest, “Bethany and I are still friends. Its possible to spend time with more than one person you know,”

            Her mom seemed to accept that answer for a second and she felt her heart start back up again.

            “It’s just… you know parents talk,” Her mom set down the jar and looked at Nicole, brows furrowed in worry, “And some of the things I’ve heard about Sarah, and the Hemmings family… its just, are you sure you want to be friends with her?”

            Nicole was on the defensive, if there was one thing Nicole has been since birth, it’s a protector, “Mom, wasn’t it you that taught me the Bible’s lesson to judge not? Who am I to judge someone? What I do know about Sarah is that she’s kind, dependable, and trustworthy,”

            Her mother shrugged, “Fair enough. I guess you are right. Judge not, least he be judged.”

            Nicole fleet as though she had dodged a bullet. But she burned to know what exactly her mom had heard about Sarah.

            _Parents talk._ The words rattled around inside Nicole’s head.

           

 

            Later that night Nicole found herself sleeping over at Sarah’s house. Her mom had begrudgingly agreed, despite her comments about the Hemmings’ earlier.

            Nicole couldn’t figure out what people could possibly say about the Hemmings. Mrs. Hemmings had always made Nicole feel welcome and was a master chef. Sarah’s dad was a busy man, he worked the family farm as well as a job on the side and they rarely saw him when she was there, but the few times she did see him he was always polite and he had kind eyes.

            Sitting on the foot of Sarah’s bed it finally clicked.

            Her mom had meant that they were poor. The Hemmings’ house was furnished in second-hand furniture; the front porch was missing a step. Sarah joked that her dad worked so much that when he was home all he had time for was sleeping and eating, so a lot of the handy work around the house went undone.

            Sarah rarely had new-to-her clothes, and she often borrowed Nicole’s notebooks permanently for classes. But every time Nicole had ever been at their house she had never wanted for food.

            “Sarah, can I ask you a question?” Nicole asked.

            “Yeah,” Sarah said as she brushed her hair.

            “Do people consider my family rich?”

            Sarah laughed so hard she snorted, “Are you just figuring out you are rich?”

            Nicole hung her head; she was embarrassed, “I mean, no. I guess I just never thought of us as _that_ rich,”

            Sarah looked confused, “What brought this on?”

            “I never realized we were the kind of well of that my mom was a snobby bitch, but she kinda is,” Nicole admitted.

            “Yeah, she kinda is,” Sarah confirmed with a smile.

           

 

            A couple nights later Nicole and Sarah snuck out to Sarah’s family barn. The hayloft was half empty and Sarah had opened the west-facing door, blankets down so they could look at the moon and stars. They sat in silence, looking up at the wonder of the limitlessness of the universe.

            “One day we will leave this small town,” Sarah said, “and we can be whoever we want,”

            Nicole had never had the same intense urge to leave that Sarah had, but she would follow her anywhere.

            She leaned over and kissed her.

            It didn’t take long for them to become tangled limbs in a pile of blankets, heavy breaths and soft whispers. There was no witness save the pale light of the moon, and she wasn’t telling any secrets.

           

            The sky grew dark as dawn approached. Nicole held Sarah tighter, she was beginning to think she understood why 16 was considered one of the best ages of your life, she couldn’t imagine it getting much better than this.

            “We probably should get back in the house before my dad gets home from work and notices we aren’t where we were supposed to be,”

 

//

            Bethany and Nicole sat on the porch swing of the old plantation house her family called home.

            “Can I tell you something?” Nicole asked her.

            “Of course. You can tell me anything,” Bethany said sincerely. She had always been the sister Nicole never had.

            “I’m gay,” She said the words out loud for the first time to another person and felt a weight come off her shoulders.

            Bethany didn’t falter, “Ok, I knew that. You’ve told me you like girls, I know about you and Sarah,”

            “Yeah, but I’ve never said that to another person before,” Nicole said, “I’ve never come out and said ‘I’m a lesbian’ to someone and I wanted you to be my first,”

            Bethany surprised her by wrapping her in a hug, “Thank you for telling me,” She let go of Nicole, “What prompted the decision to declare it?”

            “It finally feels real. Whatever is going on between Sarah and I… it feels substantial somehow,” Nicole said.

            “Well, I’m happy for you,” Bethany patted her leg.

            “Thank you,” Nicole looked down.

            “You got it bad, dude,”

            Nicole groaned, “Trust me, I know,”

           

///

            Sometimes with comfort comes carelessness. This was something Nicole would have to learn over and over again throughout her life; in college at a friend’s house party, in the police academy and in her own marriage.

            But the first lesson came that summer.

            Nicole was finding it exhausting to keep up with their double life. But they both knew they had to. They had been doing it for so long though, that they had grown comfortable and careless.

            Nicole was at Sarah’s house, helping her with some AP Biology summer homework when her mom left to go grocery shopping.

            “Don’t go turning all my bananas into a science experiment like you did last week,” Her mother warned lovingly.

            “I warned you, it was for this class,” Sarah motioned over the textbook and papers sprawled on the beat up coffee table.

            “Yeah, but now I cant make my world famous banana bread for Aunt Judy’s party next week,”

            Once Sarah heard her mom’s car pull out of the gravel driveway she set the textbook aside and kissed Nicole. Nicole couldn’t help but notice her lips tasted like strawberries.

            Sarah pushed Nicole back, settling between her hips. Nicole’s hands slid under her shirt.

            They were both so caught up that they hadn’t heard the crunch of gravel or the opening of the front door.

            “Oh Sarah I almost forgot to ask you-“ The sentence fell short.

            The two girls shot to opposite ends of the couch like repelling magnets.

            “What on God’s green earth is going on here?”

            “It’s not what it looks like,” Sarah pleaded.

            Nicole knew what she was trying to do, but it hurt to hear.

            “Like hell it isn’t. We talked about this, I thought you were done with this,” Her mom’s voice was stern, but there was a hint of pleading in the undertone.

            “Mom, this isn’t something I can just change,” Sarah said flatly.

            “Nicole, you need to leave,” Mrs. Hemmings said, the look on her face said there wasn’t room for negotiation and tears were obviously eminent.

            In Nicole’s haste to leave she had forgotten her jacket on the pegs by the door. She grabbed her bike but she didn’t think she could ride it home. In the moment she had been too shell-shocked to cry, but the tears were flowing now.

            Down the street she stopped, letting the bike fall to the ground and she cried.

Her whole body heaved with the sobs, she braced herself against her knees as she cried.

            Once she got a hold of herself she walked her bike the whole way home, fear gripping her chest.

            When she finally reached her house the sun had gone down. The same moonlight that had washed over their bodies not a week ago now cast her mother in a cold shadow as she waited for her in the front porch light.

            _No. No. No._ Mrs. Hemmings had not called her, this was not happening. It was like she was standing on a cliff as it crumbled out from under her.

            _Fuck._

            “Put your bike in the garage and meet me in the kitchen,” Her mom’s voice was cold and clinical.

            It reminded Nicole of the time her younger brother had gotten caught with a group of boys throwing rocks off the overpass.

            Except for that time there was still softness, the warmth of a mothers love, in her eyes. There was no such warmth or softness this time.

            Nicole placed her bike in the garage and walked into the house in a daze. It didn’t feel real. She simultaneously didn’t know what was going to happen and knew exactly what was about to happen at once. She started to say a prayer to herself before stopping.

            When she walked into the kitchen she found her mom and dad sitting at the kitchen table. Her mom’s face was stone and expressionless. Her dad looked worried.

            Nicole sat down across from them. She was surprised by how numb she was.

            “Mrs. Hemmings called. And your father and I are very dismayed by what she told us. Why don’t you explain to us what happened, because surely Mrs. Hemmings was mistaken,”

            Nicole didn’t respond right away. In a flash her brain was weighing all her options. She went with the one that made her what to throw up the least.

            “Sarah and I have been seeing each other for a couple months now,” Nicole said with conviction.

            She saw her dad whisper, “Oh dear,” under his breath and her mother seemed to get a bit light headed.

            “Andy, I told you letting our daughter hang out with the Hemmings’ girl was a bad idea,” She said.

            “Its not like it was Sarah’s fault,” Nicole said in disbelief, “Being gay isn’t contagious,”

            Her parents stared at her blankly, almost as if she was a total stranger. And Nicole could understand how they might feel that way. She felt like a stranger to herself most of the time too.

            When they didn’t say anything Nicole continued, “I cannot change who I am. Sarah didn’t have anything to do with it other than being amazing and beautiful. But even if Sarah wasn’t around, it would be some other girl,”

            Nicole’s dad looked distressed, “What went wrong?”

            Nicole could feel a flame of anger flair up inside her, “Nothing went wrong! There isn’t anything wrong with me,”

            “Nicole, I think you are confused. You aren’t gay,” Her mom said, “We will not have a lesbian for a daughter,”

            Nicole was shocked by her mother’s words. She had expected yelling, fighting, maybe even getting kicked out of the house, but not a refusal like that.

            “We called Pastor Thomas and he wants to meet with us tomorrow,” Nicole’s mom said.

            “You called the pastor?” Nicole repeated in disbelief.

            “Yes. He will know… he will know what to do,” Her mom nodded.

            Nicole felt like she was in a dream.

            Her parents talked about plans; she heard God and saving and other words like that, but she couldn’t get herself to hear the actual sentences they were saying.

            She finally was able to go upstairs to bed. Her parents were reacting like she had been caught shooting up heroin. She was even pretty sure she had heard the term rehab used.

           

            Nicole was in a fog. They had visited the pastor earlier that day. She hardly even remembered the conversation. But she knew she was now packing her bags for an indefinite stay at a camp for troubled youth. It was a religious camp, meant mostly for teenagers who have been arrested or addicted to drugs or pregnant. Nicole was sure there was probably a section just for the gay kids. The pastor had described it as weeks of intense prayer and isolation.

            She already felt isolated.

            When she had asked how long she would be there the Pastor said, “Until you are healed,”

            Which was odd because before yesterday she hadn’t felt wounded.

            She had dinner with her family and to her surprise, her parents acted like nothing had happened. Like Sarah’s mom hadn’t walked in on them making out, like they weren’t about to send her off to Jesus camp.            

            After dinner she was relegated to her room with no TV, no phone and no Internet access.

            She heard a knock on her door and her brother poked his head in, “Can I come in?”

            She smiled meekly from her bed, “of course,”

            Noah was 5 years her younger, but incredibly smart. They had always been close, and the news of her going away clearly was upsetting to him.

            “How are you doing, buddy?” She asked.

            “Shouldn’t I be asking you that? You are about to go away for a long time,” He sat next to her.

            “What did mom and dad tell you?” She asked.

            “That you got caught doing something sinful and that you have to go away for a long time in order to fix you. But I don’t get it; I couldn’t imagine you even breaking a rule. You aren’t pregnant are you?” He asked.

            Nicole chuckled, “No, I’m not pregnant. I’ll tell you why they are sending me away if you promise to not tell mom and dad that I told you,” She said.

            “Deal,” he held out his pinky finger.

            She intertwined her pinky finger in his, “Ok,” She tried to psyche herself up for this, “Noah, I’m gay,”

            He didn’t miss a beat, “I mean I knew that,”

            “You knew?” She was a bit incredulous.

            “Yeah, I mean I think so. It seemed kinda obvious. I heard you sneak out all the time and I looked out and saw you with Sarah, and I just kinda pieced it together. And I see the way you guys looked at each other,”

            “Okay….” Nicole couldn’t wrap her head around it, “How does that make you feel, about me?”

            “You are my sister, it doesn’t change anything. I will still love you forever,”

            “I love you too, bud,” She hugged him.

            “So they found out you are gay? And they are sending you away to make you not gay?” He asked.

            “Something like that,” She confirmed, “Except I’m pretty sure you cant cure people of being gay,”

            He looked her in the eye, “Do what you have to do to get out of there as soon as possible. I’ll keep your secret,” he kissed her cheek.

            Noah was going to be one of the people she missed most.

            “Thank you, I love you, Noah. I hope I can see you soon,” She hugged him tighter.

            “Try to come back before football season starts, I want you to see me kick butt,” he looked up at her.

            “I'll see what I can do,” She smiled down at him.

           

            There was no way Nicole could possibly sleep, not with her packed bags sitting at the foot of her bed. She rummaged through her closet until she found an old iPod touch with a cracked screen. Against all odds, she was able to turn it on and get it connected to wifi.

            She wasn’t sure what the situation was like right now for Sarah, but she wanted to make sure that she eventually would find out what happened. Nicole penned Sarah and email, hoping it would find her sooner rather than later.

            “Sarah, my parents took my phone, but I found a way onto the Internet. I really _really_ hope you check your email. Tomorrow morning they are shipping me off to ‘Saving Grace’s retreat for Troubled Youth’ for a reform camp. I won't be able to talk to you or anyone. I do not want to go, but since I’m only 16 I have no choice.

            I’m not sure when I’ll see you again, but this doesn’t change anything for me.

            Just know that I love you

-Nicole”

            She wrote a similar email to Bethany, explaining to her what had happened, hoping she would understand. She had heard horror stories about some of these kinds of places and she wanted people to know where she really was, not where her parents told them she was.

           

            Hours later Nicole was lying in her bed staring at the ceiling fan as it went around and around.

            She heard a knock on her window and sat bolt upright. She saw Sarah hanging onto the tree outside her room. She scrambled out of her bed and threw the window open.

            “Sarah, oh my God, what are you doing here?”

            “I got your email, I wanted to see you before they sent you off,”

            “If they catch you in here we will both be dead meat,”

            “I know, come on, I’m going to take you somewhere,”

            Nicole grabbed a sweater before following Sarah down the tree.

            Sarah had parked her old car down the street from Nicole’s house so her parents wouldn’t hear the engine start up. Silently, Sarah drove the pair out to the beach. The Golf of Mexico was an inky black infinity in front of them; the water was warm and the breeze rolling in smelled of salt and fresh air.

            Nicole stood beside Sarah, hand in hand, with her eyes closed. She took in a deep breath as her auburn hair fluttered in the breeze.

            Sarah found a secluded part of the beach and threw down a blanket. She sat down, leaning back on her hands and inviting Nicole to sit with her back to her torso. Sarah wrapped her arms around Nicole, breathing in her sent so that she might not forget it.

            “So you really don’t know how long you will be gone?”

            “They used the word ‘indefinitely’. I’ll put money on my mom telling people I’m doing a mission trip somewhere remote with no cell service or internet, and if it goes into the school year I’m sure I’ll have gone off to some prestigious prep boarding school,”

            All Sarah said was a soft utterance of “damn.”

            “How bad is it for you?” Nicole asked.

            “Not that bad. I’m grounded. They want me to go back to see a therapist. I think they are starting to realize that this is just who I am,”

            “I’m sorry,” Nicole said softly.

            “Why are you sorry? Us being caught is ever bit my fault. If you are apologizing for being with me, I don’t accept that. You are one of the best things to ever happen to me,”

            Nicole tried to ward off the pinpricks behind her eyes, but soon the tears were rolling.

            Sarah felt a tear hit one of her hands that she had wrapped around Nicole. She reached up and gently wiped the tears away.

            “Did you mean what you said in the email? At the very end?” Sarah asked, her voice just above a whisper.

            Nicole didn’t answer right away. She repositioned herself so that she was kneeling between Sarah’s outstretched legs, facing her. She cupped Sarah’s long, angular, face in her hands, “Sarah Annabelle Hemmings, I love you,”

            Sarah’s face broke out into a slow smile, “I love you too,”

            Nicole leaned in and kissed her, it was almost like nothing she had ever felt before. As they kissed she leaned forward, gently pushing Sarah back onto the ground. She let her weight rest on her while they kissed.

            There was a sense of devotion in the way they kissed, but also a sense of urgency in the way their hands fought for purchase, the way their bodies moved together.

            This was never how she had imagined it; desperate, hungry and frantic, heavy breathes and whispered curse words. The night air was chilly against exposed skin, but the fire between them was more than enough to block out the cold.

            The only church she ever wanted to worship in again was Sarah’s body, breathlessly calling out Sarah’s name in prayer.

            She had always wanted her first time to be special, and she guessed there was nothing more special than right before being sent to straight camp.

            Once the urgency wore off their rhythm changed. It was more tender and caring.

            Nicole cursed when it was time for them to leave. She had to be back in her bed by 5 am or else her parents would know she was gone. She hoped the sand she was about to track into the house didn’t give them away.

            They finished the night in reverse fashion they had started it. Nicole was holding Sarah in her arms, praying that the sun wouldn’t rise.

            “You know, you don’t have to go back. We could just leave. I’ve got an aunt somewhere in the Midwest who would happily take us in,” Sarah said.

            Nicole entertained the idea for a fraction of a second, “I can’t run away Sarah. What about my brother? And you don’t even know where your aunt lives; would she really take in runaway, teenage, lesbian lovers?”

            Sarah knew she was right, but that didn’t change how much she wished it were a possibility.

            “I understand,” Sarah took her hand and squeezed it, “I don’t want to let you go,”

            “I wish I could stay right here with you forever,” Nicole kissed the top of Sarah’s head.

            “Don’t forget about me while you are at Jesus camp,” Sarah said.

            “I don’t think I ever could,” Nicole lightly nibbled at Sarah’s neck.

            “While you are gone…” Sarah started but trailed off.

            Nicole knew in her gut exactly what Sarah was about to ask, “Don’t wait for me. If something, or someone, comes up, go for it. If this is meant to be, we will find each other again,”

 

            All too soon Nicole was alone in her bedroom, the sand in her socks and the smell of Sarah on her sweater the only reminder. It was almost 5 am, so she opted for hoping in the shower. The hot water washed over her, taking the remnants of the night they had had together with it.

            She was washed, dry, and dressed by the time her parents knocked on the door to single it was time to leave. She sighed, grabbing her bags and heading downstairs.

            She was surprised to see Bethany waiting at the landing of the stairs. Nicole dropped her bags and threw herself into Bethany’s arms.

            Bethany hugged the taller girl tight, tears threatening to fall.

            “What are you doing here?” Nicole asked.

            “I got your email,” She whispered in Nicole’s ear so that only she could hear, “I weaseled my way in, I’m your unofficial home Jesus sponsor. I’m going to do my damnedest to get you out of there,” She said.

            Bethany squeezed her and let her go, “I just had to see off my best friend. I love you Nicole,”

            “Love you too, Beth,” Nicole swiped at tears on her face.

            Nicole’s mom went outside to get the car started.

            Bethany smiled and poked Nicole’s neck, “Hide that hicky, last thing you will need is people asking,”

            “Nicole clamped her hand over her neck, she hadn’t thought about it and didn’t think there was any proof of last nights escapades.

            “Sarah gave me a heads up,” Bethany winked, producing some Nicole-colored foundation. She dabbed it on Nicole’s neck.

            “Thank you… what did she ah… tell you?”            

            “We will have plenty of time to talk about it when you get home. Do what you have to do to make it quick as possible,” She gave Nicole a serious look.

            “I will,”

            “And know you are perfect the way you are. I love you for you. Don’t let them change you,”

            Nicole hugged her best friend again, “Thank you. I love you,”

 

 

//

            The feeling of Waverly’s hand on her shoulder pulled her out of the memory.           

            “How long were you there?” Waverly asked in a hushed tone.

            “3 months. I got home just in time for the school year. Sure enough, my mom had told everyone I was on a mission trip,”

            “What was it like there?” Waverly was both horrified and fascinated.

            “The camp was full of druggies and thieves and kids who just generally miss behaved. There was a special extra group just for the gay kids. It was a lot of praying and Bible reading. We had individual counseling sessions with a religious leader. I strategically lied my way out of there. I couldn’t just from day one be like ‘I’m ready to be not gay let's pray it away.’ It had to be believable. So I offered some resistance at first, then I slowly began to see the light, all while secretly corresponding with Sarah via letters when Beth would visit,”

            “I’m so sorry you had to experience that,” Waverly said with sincerity.

            Nicole shook her head gently from side to side, “It was over before I knew it. I met some cool people in there,”

            “What happened when you got back home?” Waverly asked.

            “Everyone believed I had gone to some remote country to do mission work. I don’t even remember what country my mom had claimed I had gone to. I decided to buckle down and ride it out until I was 18, mostly for my brother’s sake. But I will never forget the first time I saw Sarah when I got back,”

 

//           

            Nicole pulled at the hem of her shirt. It was flowery and girlier than she normally would wear to school. But New Year, New Her. She closed her locker and made eye contact with the bright blue eyes from across the hall. They shared a small smile, a blush creeping over Nicole’s neck and cheeks.

            As she walked home she felt someone tug her into the old alley. She smiled when she saw it was Sarah. She flung herself into the other girl’s arms. Their bodies crashed together. Sarah squeezed Nicole tight. Nicole pulled away slightly and kissed Sarah, the taste of her lips were more intoxicating than any liquor Nicole had ever tasted before.            

            Sarah backed Nicole against the wall and kissed her hard. It was all shallow breaths and hands grabbing for skin.

            Finally, they sputtered out, coming back to choppy breaths inches away from each other’s face.

            “Hey,” Nicole finally got out.

            “Hey,” Sarah repeated, “Are you ok?”

            Nicole nodded, “Are you?”

            “I missed you,” Sarah changed the subject.

            “I missed you too,”

            Sarah kissed her again, slow and tender. When she pulled away she asked another question, “Are you sure you are really ok? How did they treat you in that place?”           

            “It wasn’t that bad. I’m straight now,” Nicole chuckled.

            Sarah nipped her bottom lip, “Straight girls don’t kiss like that,”

            Nicole shrugged, “I got really good at lying in there,” she winked.

           

//

            “Did you guys continue to see each other?” Waverly asked.

            “Yeah, for a bit. But it was too much for us to balance. Sarah wanted things I couldn’t give her. I couldn’t be in the open about us. I couldn’t risk our parents finding out about us. A couple weeks later we called it quits. I pretended to be saved. I repressed who I was. I tried so hard to be who my parents wanted. But once I was in college there was no more denying who I was,”

            Nicole paused, picking at the skin around her fingernails. Waverly wished she could take all the pain away from Nicole in that moment.

            “The spring of my freshman year my mom asked if I was seeing anyone. I had decided I would tell her the truth. I said yes. She asked what their name was, I said Caroline. She was super quiet for a couple minutes. I actually thought my phone had dropped the call. When she finally spoke she sounded like she might faint. She said, ‘Caroline? As in a woman?’ And I told her yes. And she said ‘I thought we had fixed this years ago?’ And I told her that there was not a chance in the world that anything they had done changed me at all,” Nicole paused, “Oddly, she didn’t lose it on me until my second girlfriend, Josie. That’s when my mom lost it. That’s when she realized that this wasn’t going away. And we just kinda drifted apart. We never reconnected. Every once in a blue moon one of them contact me to make sure I’m still alive,”

            “Oh babe, I'm so sorry,” Waverly took her hand and kissed the back of it.

            “I look at it as their loss. Sometimes it sucks to not really have family to contact, but they are missing out on knowing me, and my awesome girlfriend,”

            “Did they know you married Shae?” Waverly asked.

            “Yeah, we sent out announcements after the fact,” Nicole smirked, “My mom was mad. I think almost entirely because she couldn’t be at the wedding and make a scene,”

            “So what you are telling me is you are the family secret?”

            “That’s me,” Nicole smiled, proud of herself.

            “Well, I guess that makes two of us,” Waverly kissed her on the cheek.


End file.
